Apparently you make a good broom.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
