I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
