I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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