Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
