Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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