we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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