he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
