Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
