I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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