woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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