idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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