I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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