evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
A bitchslap is in order.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
