My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
