I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
