Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
