i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Say something about gay babies.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
