dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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