thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
