i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
