yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
