There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
