I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
