my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
