the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
