I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
How's work?
Spinning.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
