did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
