Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
