.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
