i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
