i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize