Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
