i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
