my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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