Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dicks are not precious.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
