All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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