fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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