I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
