the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
