I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
