OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
