I hate all girls vehemently.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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