The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
