So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
