it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You're like the curious george of whores
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
