All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
