According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
