I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
