My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
