How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
