So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
