I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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