Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize