I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
