he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Sorry my hands just texted you
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
