You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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