I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
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