Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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