just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
