Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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