I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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