Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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