I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I supernannyed him into submission
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
