Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
