Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
