I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
