I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
