For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
