i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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