the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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